getting closer to the grave.. THAT'S ALL.

douglas asked me yesterday if i had any plans for my birthday and i said, "no. just like EVERY other year." i HAD hoped to go to the place i was born but i can't even do that because amy says it's too expensive. EVEN if it's for my FORTIETH birthday and YOU ONLY TURN 40 ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. i'm pretty sure brian would've tried to find an alternative for me seeing as it IS my fortieth birthday. can't expect good things to happen in my life though.